Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Empathic Listening: Notes shared by Christy Tweedy


People frequently lose patience when listening to another’s problem. Empathic listening is incompatible with being in a hurry, or with the fast paced world around us. Such careful listening requires that we, at least for the moment, place time on slow motion and suspend our own thoughts and needs.

“Listen in ways that others can speak”


Potential Barriers to Empathy

1.     Intellectual understanding of the situation. Interrupting to understand at the thought level not at the feelings or heart level.
2.     Sympathizing or commiserating. Talking about your own experiences rather than giving full attention to speaker.
3.     Giving advice or trying to fix. Moving to provide solutions without fully listening to feelings and needs.
4.     Explaining. “Let me tell you why this is happening to you”.
5.     Correcting. Offering your own understanding of the situation. You are not fully listening to feelings and giving space for the speaker to express.
6.     Consoling. “I know you will be OK. You will do well”.
7.     Telling a story or one-upping. Telling about something that happened to you.
8.     Shutting down feelings by offering premature reassurance, before the person is complete. Not hearing their experience and jumping to response too quickly.
9.     Educating or evaluating. Remember- Empathy before education.
10. Interrogating. Asking questions to satisfy your own curiosity.
11. Believing you already know what the person is going to say.
12. Having a strong opinion or a belief that prevent listening to the speaker.
13. Interrupting. Do not take pauses as a time for you to interrupt. Fully give space for the other to express themselves.



Showing Our Listening Engagement
-       Respond it ways that show you’re engaged. “Tell me more” or simply, “Interesting!”
-       Try repeating the last word or phrase that was spoken “I feel like I wasn’t being heard…” Respond: “…wasn’t being heard”.
-       Empathetic Sayings: “I can see you are suffering” “I can see that you’re in pain”
-       Body Language: Sit with the person. Face them and allow your body and mind to focus on the person speaking.
-       Respect Pauses. Allow these pauses to take place. A simple “Mmmm” still shows you are present and engaged.


Responding After Listening
-       Ask, “Are you wanting to talk out your thoughts or explore some strategies?” Sometimes people just want to vent and don’t want help solving. Ask this and it will provide an understanding of what the need of the other person is.
-       Ask questions that promote internal reflection towards the end. “How do you feel when that happens?” “What are you feeling at this moment?” “Well, then, what do you plan on doing?” “What options are you leaning to, which ones do you like the least?”
-       If topic is repeatedly brought up, ask “what are you willing to change?” “If you don’t know, what would it look like if you did know?”
-       When people repeat themselves in their story, they are subconsciously feeling like they are not being listened to.


Ask Yourself These Questions
Am I…
1.     Allowing the person with the problem to do most of the talking?
2.     Avoiding premature conclusions based on my life experiences?
3.     Helping the individual to better understand himself/herself?
4.     Permitting the person to retain ownership of the challenge?
5.     Showing the party that we are listening without judging?


Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Look Through My Eyes
by Lamika Thomas


Look through my eyes
Past the color
Past the white
What do you see?

I have no pigment
I have not shape
I exist independently
Without this shell, you call me!

There are so many things I want to say
Opinions and outlooks that will blow your mind
Creativity, optimism, and uniqueness
But, do you see me?

I have no hair
I have no face
I exist independently
Without this body, you call me

There is so much to contribute
Much to share
If you would just listen and look past my eyes
Into my soul

Hello there, nice to meet you!